Women Drivers

This post isn’t intended to undermine any female driver or emphasis that men are better drivers; it’s just to point out some things I’ve realized in my modest 6 years of driving.

Women are the worst, most ill-mannered, most impatient, and dumbest creatures to get behind the steering wheel.  And the only type of driver that could measure up to a woman driver is a 60 something year old Lebanese Taxi driver.

(My female readers are muttering in discontent, especially that this is coming from a woman driver.)

Below is a list of things that I have realized that some woman drivers do as part of their driving regime.

1.       Considering that most think of themselves as multi-task individuals (peh!!), they drink coffee from an uncovered mug, smoke a slim cigarette, apply mascara in the rearview mirror, tune the radio, send a BB message, and keep a hawk’s eye at the hot dude in the car next to her all while driving.

2.       They have no knowledge (or consideration) for traffic rules which especially include, allowing the driver in the round about to exit before they enter it, giving the right of way, meaning that if she and another car reach an intersection at the same time, the car on the right (not hers) has the right to pass ahead first, keeping the zebra crossing open, incase a God forsaken pedestrian was crossing, and keeping the right lane open, since most red lights exclude cars on the right lane who want to make a turn right.

3.       Another female crossing the street is her queue to increase acceleration, in the hopes of eliminating possible competition.

4.       The “No Parking” sign means “No Parking for Men”.

5.       The “Risk of Towing” sign means an opportunity to make doll eyes at a disgusting police officer.

6.       The red traffic light means “It doesn’t mean me”, “Oh I’m color blind”, “It’s just kidding”, “I should try that shade of red on my nails”.

7.       The “Wrong Way” or “Do not enter” sign means that she is new in town and doesn’t speak the language.

8.       Getting a speeding ticket means that is was an emergency.

9.       Getting a parking ticket means that the cop is such a womanizer.

10.   Scraping the car while passing in a narrow street means that the infrastructure is crap.

11.   Jamming the bumpers into both the car in the front and the car in the back means that the victims got what they deserved for leaving such a narrow parking spot for others.

12.   Jamming into the rear end of the car in front of her means that “the dumb ass stopped immediately.”

13.   Having someone jam into her rear bumper means that “the ass-hole is a charging bull.”

14.   They have all taken lessons in sign language and finger spelling that involve one particular finger.

15.   And finally, got forbid that you have a car accident with one of them and it turns out that it was 51% your fault…the whole neighbor hood would be on the balcony watching and listening to her unbearable shrieking and “classy” language.

Men drivers could be just as bad at driving as women, but I believe that women, being the softer gender, should be a little more calm and rational while operating heavy machinery.